Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
