God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
