ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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