Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
