The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
