i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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