the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
