she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
