He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
do herpes really smell.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
