I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
