i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
