do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
