would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
