whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
