i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
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as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"