I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
