just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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