A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
