I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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