out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize