After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
barbara walters just said penis...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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