Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
