So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
