I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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