Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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