so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize