We're facebook friends in real life
Need sex. Gaining weight.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There's always time for handjobs
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
