Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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