we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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