I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
