There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I could fuck to npr.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
