she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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