You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
