i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
