Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
