wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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