my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
