its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
