So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
