I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Randomize
