In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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