we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
