Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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