your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
