But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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