Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
