Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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