the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
