After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
