The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
