Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
