I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
