and she was petting her beer can
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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