the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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