Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
