you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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