its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
