i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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