True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize