A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My life is pants optional.
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