Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
