Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
