worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
