i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
