Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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