remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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