Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
