the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
