This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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