then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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