My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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