...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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