i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
