He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
