Your face is a jimmy john
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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