Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
