hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
